I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i out mim tonsoeep
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