Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
