She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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