at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
