THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
