Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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