he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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