wat bout pragnant strippers??
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
