i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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