Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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