Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
