Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
