What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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