i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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