people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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