I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
