I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
