I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
