Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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