I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike