Texts From Last Night

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  (389): View more from

  So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"

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  (389): So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut" http://tfl.nu/g5tq
  Replies (4) Good night (1212) Bad night (489)
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  (347): View more from New York

  so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"

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  (347): so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?" http://tfl.nu/d8rd
  Replies (57) Good night (800) Bad night (4451)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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  (312): so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion? http://tfl.nu/og9d
  Replies (97) Good night (1005) Bad night (8105)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.

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  (770): I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night. http://tfl.nu/6yac
  Replies (15) Good night (3973) Bad night (817)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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  (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke. http://tfl.nu/s0m0
  Replies (13) Good night (2436) Bad night (1814)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

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  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6616) Bad night (1517)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10468) Bad night (1316)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4914) Bad night (1686)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

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  (907): I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/8kf2
  Replies (13) Good night (4356) Bad night (848)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

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  (905): If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too. http://tfl.nu/2teh
  Replies (21) Good night (1122) Bad night (4277)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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  (732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02
  Replies (4) Good night (2875) Bad night (756)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

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  (502): We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice. http://tfl.nu/njob
  Replies (3) Good night (2128) Bad night (554)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

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  (503): I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours. http://tfl.nu/1oq1
  Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (602)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow

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  (330): lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow http://tfl.nu/f70c
  Replies (0) Good night (428) Bad night (266)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...

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  (309): Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers... http://tfl.nu/i2q8
  Replies (1) Good night (293) Bad night (453)

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