I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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