watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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