That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
