I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.