My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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