Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
