Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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