i don't like sucking hair
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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