Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found your dick twin last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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