I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
