ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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