Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
