MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
