Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
