This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
