She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
