I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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