We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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