white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
