I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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