I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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