fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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