What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
