I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??