Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.