Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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