I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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