why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
