iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
