I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
