the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
