Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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