New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
