now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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