3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize