why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
