I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
