Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
