Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
