just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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