No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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