that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
