At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
