Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
