omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
