theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
