Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
