i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
