How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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