everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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