he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
