You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had to coat check the pizza.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
