Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
