LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
