Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
