I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
