I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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