y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
