I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize