I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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