How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize