so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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