Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
